People I Love to Hate



People I Love to Hate

   Monday is my birthday. Yeah, thanks.

   I’ll be working at the Gabber on Monday because no one at the Gabber ever misses work on their birthday. Because Debbie always buys them their favorite cake. And a perfect card.

  Now the card thing is truly a gift of hers. She knows all of our personalities, political leanings, strengths and weaknesses. She literally keeps her e yes open for THE card for one of her employees ALL year long. I bet you that come Tuesday, she’ll be on the look out for a perfect card for me for next year.

   Which is why I love to hate her.

  My next door neighbor is like that. She’s one of those who, (and this is no lie), told me last night that she was basically done with her Christmas shopping. (I suspect Debbie is too).

  Maybe just a few odds and ends. Maybe some baked goods or fruit baskets which need to be purchased in a timely manner for obvious reasons. I love to hate her as well.

  You see, it’s the first week in October and I still haven’t bought my youngest child’s Halloween costume. Even though or maybe because she’s been bugging me about it since the 4th of July. (I can dig my heels in when being sufficiently provoked, now.).

   Sorry to make this personal, but next on my list is Mary at work. She’s so pretty and funny and wholesomely good. She’s also very well dressed. Her shoes and pocketbook match and her socks and hair ties match the purse and pocketbook and she is always perfectly accessorized with jewelry. Not too much, not too little. I frankly can’t stand her.

   And then there’s my sister, Mary. She’s worked very hard all of her life and manages to reap the rewards of all of that hard work. She has raised two handsome, successful boys who are well on their way to bright futures.

  So you might ask, “What’s wrong with that?”. Nothing. Except that several years ago on her 50th birthday (oh, I’m sorry, was it really just last year?), she didn’t ask for gifts or cards or flowers. She asked that people donate some time to community service on her behalf.

  I can’t possibly compete with that!

  Look at me. You’re reading this on a Thursday and I’m already thinking about my “Death by Chocolate” cake that I know full well Debbie (who I hate) is going to buy for me on Monday! Geez! What’s wrong with me?!

   In all fairness, maybe “hate” is too strong of a word. Maybe there’s a bit of envy and jealousy involved on my part. And if that’s true, then by golly, maybe I should be thanking my lucky stars that I have these women in my life and can look toward them as a source of inspiration.

   So here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna go online right now and order the Deluxe Edition of Hallmark Cards for Every Occasion. And then I’ll get on a waiting list for the newest Tickle Me Elmo that I can give to someone for Christmas. I’m gonna go shopping with Mary from work so she can help me pick out outfits that match. And I’ll do my community service by faithfully returning my grocery cart to the designated corral in the parking lot.

   Hey, it’s a start. Wish me luck.